


The Big Sleep

by Sevenwildwaysup



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Coma, Love, M/M, Passion, The Big Sleep, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-14 12:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4564836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevenwildwaysup/pseuds/Sevenwildwaysup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a series of accidents Brian finds himself hospitalized, with memory problems…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confused and Heartbroken…

Title: The Big Sleep  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 4143  
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion, and Anti-Michael…  
Beta Queen: Bigj52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: After a series of accidents Brian finds himself hospitalized, with memory problems…

Chapter Summary: Brian awakes with memories of his future, and struggles to accept the reality of the present…

_This is a short fic only three chapters, it’s complete and reviewed by Judy my beta. I’ll be posting one chapter of this fic every day, over the next three day… I hope you enjoy this one even if it is a little angsty… But don’t worry, you know me I’m all about the love… So Enjoy Kids and Happy Reading ~ Kathleen_

**The Big Sleep**

Part One ~ Confused and Heartbroken…

 

Brian hadn’t seen Justin since the night of the Rage party, and it shook him to see him here at Lindsay and Mel’s party. Of course he hadn’t planned on attending, and it was obvious he wasn’t welcome, but he was here anyways, regretting his decision to come. It had been awkward running into Justin in the bathroom. He couldn’t help razzing him, but all he really wanted to do was pull him into his arms and tell him how he really felt. 

 

But he couldn’t risk the humiliation if Justin were to reject him. He may have a huge ego, but the truth is he felt vulnerable and insecure. He couldn’t handle exposing himself and his emotions, so he decided to head home so he wouldn’t make Justin uncomfortable being there with Ian, the new love of his life. He was about to say good bye to his friends when Michael leans into him and whispers. 

 

“I can’t believe the nerve of that little shit bringing Ethan with him to Mel and Lindsay’s party. You should have left him laying on that cold cement floor to die.”

 

Brian didn’t really think, he just reacted, landing a punch to Michael’s jaw. Michael stumbles and then falls to the ground. Of course no one heard what he said, or knew why Brian did what he did, because Michael is always presumed innocent, and Brian’s always presumed guilty. Ben reacts just as fast as Brian, but he’s bigger and stronger and Brian is standing on the sidewalk, while Michael was standing on the grass.

 

Ben’s fist struck Brian fast and hard, he never had a chance. The sound of his skull hitting the pavement shocks everyone. Justin runs towards Brian and then he recoils seeing the blood pooling beneath his head. He’s traumatized by the sight of Brian’s injuries. Unprepared to deal with Justin’s panic attack Ethan pulls him into his arms, insisting that Justin leave with him, muttering under his breath that Brian deserves what he got.

 

The ambulance arrived within minutes, but Brian never regained consciousness. The police question everyone about the events that led up to Brian’s assault and Ben is being charged. Debbie insists that Brian deserves it because he had hit Michael, and even though Michael had a swollen jaw and black eye he didn’t need medical attention. 

 

After being questioned several times over the next day, Michael finally admits to his utterance to Brian about leaving Justin to die after he was bashed. Now everyone is uneasy and find themselves taking sides, some supporting Ben and his defense of Michael, while others understand Brian’s reaction and think it was justified. Ben is arrested and ends up serving ninety days in jail and has to attend sensitivity training classes.

 

That was six months ago, and Brian still remains in a coma and the family is losing hope of him ever regaining consciousness. The doctors try to remain hopeful but as each and every day passes it becomes more and more obvious that Brian will suffer brain damage, if he ever even wakes up.

 

Ethan stays by Justin’s side reassuring him that none of this is his fault, reminding him that it was Brian who threw the first punch. Ethan thought it was unfair that Ben had been charged with assault, he felt that Brian got what was coming to him. No one ever told Justin what Michael had said that set Brian off, and Brian’s violent behavior frighten him. 

 

So as the months passed he found himself believing Ethan’s insistence that Brian was responsible for his own injuries, which left him with mixed emotions about how he felt about Brian and their relationship. Ethan made every effort to reaffirm that leaving Brian was the best thing for Justin. That it would have been just a matter of time before Brian would have assaulted him, especially considering Brian’s family life growing up.

 

So Justin never went to see Brian in the hospital, but he felt guilty about it. He guessed that it was poetic justice, after all Brian never visited him after the bashing. Whenever Justin mentions that he wants to see Brian, to say good bye, Ethan becomes angry, almost jealous at the thought of Justin visiting him. Then Justin hears through the grapevine that everyone is insisting that Michael disconnect Brian’s life support as he has Brian’s power of attorney. 

 

But Michael refuses, torn between believing in Ben, proud of the way he had stood up for him, but he also loves Brian, in ways he knows he’ll never love Ben and he just can’t do it. He still believes in his fantasy, that someday he and Brian will live happily ever after and he knows he will never give up that dream. So he always visits Brian each day before work, and every evening after the shop closes. Ben does his best to support Michael, even though he is a little jealous that Michael spends more time with Brian than he does with him.

 

One morning as Michael sits next to Brian’s bed, droning on about when they were kids and Captain Astro, he notices that Brian’s hand is clenching, the sheets, then he hears him moan. Michael is surprised and very happy, he runs to get the nurse. She comes in and tells Michael that he has to leave, that the doctor will be in soon. Michael makes some snide comment about how he is Brian’s best friend, and he has Brian’s power of attorney. She still insists that he wait in the waiting room while Dr. Phelps examines Brian.

 

Brian squeezes the doctor’s hand and whispers, “What’s happened? Why am I in the hospital?” 

 

Dr. Phelps introduces himself, asking Brian what he remembers. Brian just looks at him and says, “Am I sick?”

 

Brian is shocked to learn that he’s been in the hospital for six months. He starts to become agitated asking where his husband Justin is. Dr. Phelps questions him, because no one named Justin has been to visit him the whole time he’s been hospitalized. Brian insists that he’s married, so Dr. Phelps starts asking him basic questions. 

 

“Can you tell me your name?” 

 

Brian looks at him like he’s crazy and says, “Brian Aidan Taylor-Kinney.” 

 

Dr. Phelps looks at Brian again and says, “Can you tell me what year it is?”

 

Again Brian thinks these are really stupid questions, but answers, “Fine, let’s see.”

 

He sticks his tongue in his cheek and says, “Well, I’ve been married to Justin for eight years, so I guess that would make it 2010.” 

 

Dr. Phelps shakes his head, and tells him it is 2002. He needs to run some tests telling Brian that he’ll be back in a few minutes. Brian closes his eyes, trying hard to remember what might have happened to him, and why he would be in the hospital.

 

By this time Michael has contacted the family and they’re all there waiting for Dr. Phelps, wanting to know Brian’s prognosis. Michael’s the only one with power of attorney so Dr. Phelps asks to speak with him alone, much to everyone else’s disappointment. 

 

“Do you know who Justin Taylor is?”

 

Michael’s reaction takes Dr. Phelps by surprise. Michael’s almost venomous at just the mention of Justin’s name. 

 

“He’s no one. He’s unimportant. Why would you even ask about him?”

 

“Mr. Kinney seems to believe that he’s married to Mr. Taylor, and he keeps asking for him.”

 

“No! No! They are most definitely not married. Justin isn’t even part of his life anymore.”

 

“I see… That may be true, but Mr. Kinney believes he is. Could you contact Mr. Taylor and ask him to come to the hospital? I’d like to speak with him.”

 

“No! I won’t! He’s involved in a new relationship and he doesn’t love Brian anymore.”

 

“I understand but I’d like to speak with him anyways.”

 

“No! No, I won’t allow it!”

 

“Mr. Novotny. You do want what’s best for Mr. Kinney, don’t you?”

 

“Of course, but that’s not Justin. He needs to forget about him.”

 

“Is there someone else that I might be able to talk with who knows how to contact Mr. Taylor?”

 

“I never said I didn’t know how to get a hold of him. I just forbid him to see Brian, and I have his power of attorney so I won’t allow it!”

 

“Please Mr. Novotny. I would appreciate it if you’d reconsider this. It’s in Brian’s best interest.”

 

“No! Justin Taylor is no longer important to Brian. You need to leave him out of this. Now I’d like to see Brian.”

 

“I need to explain some things about Brian’s condition. Brian’s brain waves have been very active during his coma, and while it’s not unusual for patients to not remember parts of their past,” Dr. Phelps hesitates then says, “it is however, very unusual to have patients think they remember parts of their future.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“The most important thing is to not upset him and give him time to adjust and come to grips with what’s real and what he perceives as real.”

 

Michael frowns. “How long that will take?”

 

“I suspect that some of his memories will return over time, while others will not. It’s hard to say at this point. I’m about to run some tests and hopefully I’ll have some answers afterwards.”

 

“But when can I see him?”

 

Ignoring Michael’s question he asks him to wait with his family members in the waiting room, asking Michael again if he will reconsider calling Justin Taylor. Michael storms off and starts pacing the hallway. Debbie comes out and asks him how Brian is and when can they see him. Michael neglects to mention anything about Justin, and Brian’s assumption that they’re married. 

 

It seems like torture as they wait while Brian undergoes dozens of tests. Dr. Phelps orders Brian to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, Dr. Wilder. Brian relaxes a little when he sees Dr. Wilder, he’s more hopeful knowing that Alex is familiar with his backstory. It is so much easier talking to him and not having to explain so much of his past. Now of course Brian finds himself in therapy as he tries to understand his memory problems.

 

After all the tests are run, Brian’s allowed visitors with the understanding that they’re not allowed to divulge any information about his life. Dr. Phelps wants to see if Brian’s memories will return, as he begins to understand the details of his hospitalization. His biggest obstacle is accepting that he and Justin are no longer together and have never been married. 

 

Over the next few weeks Brian makes great progress, even though he is still confused about the current details of his life and what led up to his accident. Dr. Phelps approves his discharge from the hospital, although he’s concerned about Brian’s welfare. Michael assures him that he’ll take good care of Brian and he’ll make sure Brian goes to his follow-up appointments. Michael’s determined to help Brian, but he’s having a hard time sticking to Dr. Phelps’ recommendations.

 

Michael can’t resist telling Brian all about Justin and Ethan, even though he has been warned that it could be detrimental to Brian’s recovery. The more details Michael gives him about Justin and his new boyfriend, the more depressed Brian becomes. Michael insists that Brian should just forget about him, saying that Justin never really loved him, that he was only using him. 

 

Brian is having a hard time believing Michael. His explanation about his relationship with Justin doesn’t jive with his memories, but then again Brian’s memories aren’t real. Brian tries to talk with Michael about how he feels, trying to explain to him how real his memories of him and Justin seem. But Michael only becomes angry, so self-absorbed in his need to deny Justin, he can’t see that he’s hurting Brian in the process. 

 

He just expects Brian to pick up where he left off before Justin entered their lives. But Brian’s not the same person anymore, and he has no desire to be the stud of Liberty Avenue. What he wants is Justin back in his life, or to at least understand what went wrong, hoping he can fix it. But that will be more difficult that Brian imagines because Michael is oblivious to Brian’s emotional state of mind, too blind to realize the damage he is doing.

 

~~~

 

Justin’s POV

 

Now that Ethan and I have been living together for six months the honeymoon period is definitely over. I can’t help wondering how I fell for all his pretty words and romantic gestures. Why did I think he was so much better for me that Brian? I’m sitting on that stinky sofa that Ethan and I dragged up from the garbage months earlier. We’re fighting, we’re always fighting. He doesn’t like my friends, my taste in music, Daphne, where I work and he seems to think I should check in with him whenever I leave the house or go someplace other than work or school. I’m trying to explain to him that I can’t live like this. All this suspicion and accusations of him thinking I’ve being unfaithful. 

 

Unfaithful isn’t even a word I ever heard Brian utter. Ethan is insecure and he’s so sure I’m sleeping around. It’s really sad and scary at times, he doesn’t trust me. He only remembers how I was when I lived with Brian, how I snuck around seeing him. But the thing is, with Brian, I wasn’t exactly sneaking around. Our relationship was open, well mostly out in the open, at least up until the end. Then I was a real shit, and I should have been more honest with Brian. Ethan’s not the person that I thought he was. The person that I daydreamed he might be, and he’s so not Brian.

 

But I’m determined to make things work out between us. After everything I’ve given up to be with him, I feel like I have to give this a real try. Sometimes after our knock-down drag-out fights, he comes back to me and apologises. He tells me how much he loves me, bringing me roses and chocolates, the ones I love that cost a fortune. I know he’s just insecure and I always forgive him; he can be so sweet when he wants to be.

 

I’ve heard that Brian has been released from the hospital, and I know I’ll see him in the diner or at Deb’s. I can only imagine how uncomfortable it will be between us. I really wish we had parted on better terms but I have to find a way to let him go emotionally. I understand that being my first love he’ll always be important to me. I also understand that he never really loved me, or at least not the way I needed to be loved. I’m sure it will just take time for us to accept how things are, and I doubt that we’ll ever really be friends.

 

Brian’s POV

 

I’m walking down the street when I hear violin music. There’s a small crowd up ahead so I stop and listen for a few minutes wondering if this is Justin’s new boyfriend. After he’s finished playing the crowd begins to disperse. I see him and he’s not at all like I imagined he’d be. He’s shorter, and has dark curly hair, he looks like he needs a bath and a good shampoo. It’s obvious that he doesn’t have much money, his clothes are old and worn and he’s rather thin. I open my wallet and toss a hundred-dollar bill in his open violin case, after all he is playing for tips. He’s offended by it, glaring at me. He says that he doesn’t need my money, and that I’m only trying to win Justin back. 

 

I think, wow he really doesn’t know Justin very well if he thinks Justin can be bought. I tell him I was just trying to show support, after all he is a starving artist. This only makes him angry but he keeps the money. Good for him, maybe Justin will have decent meal tonight. I try not to let my mind go there, but I can’t help wondering what Justin sees in him and if he really loves him.

 

I meet up with Michael, Ted and Emmett at Woody’s for a drink and the hot guys just seem to come out of the woodwork to hit on me. Michael’s shocked when I don’t take any of them to the bathroom, or out back for a quick tryst. He just doesn’t seem to get it. I’m still heartbroken over Justin, and other men don’t seem to interest me these days. He pats my hand saying he understands, that I’m still recovering, but he’s sure I’ll be back to my old self soon enough. I wonder if I’ll ever get over losing Justin. I miss him desperately these days.

 

Justin’s POV

 

I finally get home after working a double shift. I’m exhausted and I all I want is a nice long hot bath. The minute I’m through the door Ethan starts in on me about how Brian tipped him with a hundred-dollar bill. He feels angry and insulted. I told him he didn’t have to keep it if it made him so mad, and that sets him off even more because we need the money. I can’t take his attitude, so I let him calm down while I start to run a bath. After a few minutes he apologizes to me, knowing it wasn’t my fault. Then we take a bath together. It’s so romantic and I then remember why it is that I love him.

 

I really do love him. I just can’t take all the fighting, but the makeup sex is so worth it. I know how hard it is going to school and trying to support yourself, or at least I do now. I never really thought about it when I was with Brian. I mean sure I always said I wanted to pay my own way, pull my own weight. But I never really knew what it would be like until I moved in with Ethan. It was a culture shock as we live in a rundown cheap apartment, can barely afford food, and we have to scrape together our tips to go to the laundromat. It’s depressing sometimes, so it’s understandable it would get on our nerves, causing fights between us.

 

Ethan belittles me, making me question my own talent. He yells when I drop things because my hands and wrists ache after working double shifts at the diner just to make ends meet. I’m starting to question myself and talent, my self-esteem has all but evaporated and the only thing I can draw these days is Brian. Of course that infuriates Ethan when he catches me, and I hate having to hide things from him, but he just doesn’t understand. 

 

The thing is Brian was a big part of my life. He was my inspiration, my muse, although I hate using that word, and I hate it when Ethan calls me his muse. It sounds so fake, and to think I used to think it was romantic. I miss Brian desperately and I can’t help worrying about him and how he’s recovering. Even though I still attend Sunday dinners at Deb’s, no one ever brings up Brian. They know it makes Ethan uncomfortable and he’s trying so hard to fit in. 

 

~~~

 

Now that Brian is home from the hospital he runs into Justin at the diner, and Brian tries to talk with him, but Justin seems to avoid him at all costs. Justin’s more than aware how upset Ethan gets, knowing that Brian is now around again. Ethan’s prone to jealous rants, often accusing Justin of spending time with Brian and wanting to get back together with him. So Justin thinks it’s best to keep his distance, besides he feels bad about the way he walked out on him without even saying good bye.

 

Brian’s confused by Justin’s behavior. He had hoped that they could at least be friends, or friendly but it’s obvious that Justin has no interest in him. Brian has no memories of them splitting up, and he wants so badly to tell him how much he loves and misses him. But all his friends tell him how in love Justin is with the fiddler, he’s happy and it’s best if he just lets him go.

 

It’s hard for Brian to accept that they’ve never been married, because his memories seem so real to him. He wonders why Justin left him, or why they split up. Was it his fault? Sometimes he can’t help wondering if he is truly losing his mind. He can distantly remember the big house they lived in, and playing with their twins in the yard. He actually remembers being happily married and a father, finally having the family he never had growing up. 

 

He realizes it must have all been a dream, because that is so unlike him and his past beliefs. But it has opened his eyes to the idea that he might want that in the future. That all his mantras are bullshit and he really does long to be loved and accepted. The subconscious mind is a strange thing, it really makes you question your whole outlook on life.

 

Justin often catches Brian watching him, but he looks away before making eye contact. He’s in denial that he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, still wanting to believe that he and Ethan are a better match. But sometimes his heart is overwhelmed just watching Brian and remembering how things used to be. He remembers how happy he was and life seemed so carefree back then. He knows they had their issues, and that it’s not unusual to romanticize about your past. When he reminisces about it, he can’t help that he felt so in love with Brian, and it’s different with Ethan. Brian looks completely miserable these days, and Justin can’t help but feel it’s all because of him.

 

So when they do speak or interact, Justin is defensive; he’s sure that Brian is mocking him, making fun of his new life. He can’t stop himself from wondering if they could have had this one day, if they could have made it in the long run if he had just tried harder. After all Brian was changing before he left him, but Justin couldn’t see it at the time. He thought he needed more, needed to hear the words, he wanted romance and happily ever after. Even though he knew from the very beginning that would never be Brian. Yes, he’s confused and he comes across as bitter and angry when he sees Brian.

 

Justin is working late one night and as he leaves the diner he runs into a very inebriated Brian walking down Liberty Avenue. Brian can’t help but ask him if he ever thinks about them, if he misses him, and if he’s really in love with his new boyfriend. Justin is sure that he’s teasing him, no one’s told him about Brian’s memory problems and he just assumes that Brian is making fun of him and his desire to be in a committed relationship. Then Brian notices the ring on his finger, and Justin tells him that he’s engaged and yes, he loves Ethan.

 

The shock of this news leaves Brian heartbroken and feeling desperate. He never expected that things would move so fast between Ethan and Justin. The idea of Justin marrying someone else disturbs him greatly, and his dream of them getting back together seems so fleeting. The reality of the situation is more than he can bear, so in his drunken state he carelessly gets behind the wheel of the Vette and drives off without any real destination in mind. 

 

It begins raining and the roads are slick; the combination of his alcohol consumption, and his head injury have impaired his judgment. His reaction time is slow, he’s speeding, driving too fast for the road conditions. He looks up a little too late to notice that a big utility truck is stopped in the middle of the road. He slams on his brakes, but because his car is forty years old, it has no seatbelts and he is thrown through the windshield and another thirty feet into the embankment. All he sees is his Sunshine’s bright smile as his world goes dark.

 

So Brian once again finds himself in the hospital, unconscious, and hanging on for dear life. This time around he’s only in a coma for about six weeks, but when he awakens he has little memory of his adult life. 

 

TBC…


	2. Clean Slate…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian awakes with no memories of the present life, as he tries to adjust to his memory loss…

Title: The Big Sleep…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 7125  
Rating: R, Porn…  
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion, Anti-Michael…  
Beta Queen: Bigj52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: After a series of accidents Brian finds himself hospitalized, with memory problems…

Chapter Summary: Brian awakes with no memories of the present life, as he tries to adjust to his memory loss…

_This is a short fic only three chapters, it’s complete and reviewed by Judy my beta. I’ll be posting one chapter of this fic every day, over the next three day… I hope you enjoy this one even if it is a little angsty… But don’t worry, you know me I’m all about the love… So Enjoy Kids and Happy Reading ~ Kathleen_

Part Two ~ The Big Sleep

**Clean Slate…**

 

Brian’s POV

 

I’m sitting in the diner trying to remember my past. They say I totaled my Vette, but I don’t even remember owning a Vette. I’ve lost all my memories from the past few years and everything feels out of sorts. They say the loft is my home but it just feels cold and lonely. I don’t like spending time there because it feels like something’s missing, but for the life of me I can’t remember what.

 

The young blond waiter refills my coffee and asks if I want something to eat, but nothing sounds good to me. All the food in this place looks like it would give you a heart attack. Dr. Phelps says I probably won’t regain any more of my memories. Michael tells me I used to be an advertising executive, but that sounds absurd to me. Working in the corporate world just isn’t me, yet I have a closet full of expensive designer suits. I’ve tried them on several times, and even though I look good in them, I can’t imagine actually wearing them. I feel most comfortable in my 501’s, a black t-shirt and my leather jacket.

 

Lindsay and her wife Melanie, who obviously hates me, have a son, my son, and his name is Gus. Yet I have no memory of him, although he looks just like me. I don’t remember or feel any connection to most of my friends, except Michael, and that seems strained to me. We don’t really have anything in common these days. He is actually married now, to a college professor named Ben and they have a teenage son. It feels like I’ve lost everything; I feel so out of place, like I don’t fit in, or even belong here.

 

I can’t help checking out the waiter, his name tag says his name is Justin. I’ve been told he lives with his almost-famous musician boyfriend. But there’s something about him that seems so familiar. I’ve even mentioned it to Michael, but he reassures me we’ve never met. He’s friends with everyone, and is now part of the gang, or at least everyone except Michael, and I can’t help feeling like an outsider looking in. 

 

Michael tells me I was the stud of Liberty Avenue, and that I can have any man I want. It sounds ridiculous to me, and the way he talks about it, he makes me sound like a total whore. He tells me that I don’t believe in love, I only believe in fucking. That I’m never with the same guy twice, and again he makes me sound like I’m a total bastard. A real creep and I can’t help questioning this information. 

 

There are lots of hot guys always looking my way, passing me their phone numbers, but I can’t shake my attraction to the waiter. He’s very sweet but he’s also engaged to be married. It seems to me that he and his boyfriend are complete opposites and I can’t see any chemistry between them. Not that he has anything in common with me either, but I just can’t stop daydreaming about him. He’s an art student at PIFA and very talented, according to Lindsay.

 

Ted, who is apparently my accountant, tells me that my car insurance policy pays out handsomely, if I’m ever seriously injured. So now I don’t have to worry about money for a while which is a good thing, because I have no idea what type of work I’d like to do at this point. I do remember that I really liked photography in college, and I’m pretty good at it. Lindsay has asked me to put some photos in the art show at the Gay and Lesbian center. 

 

So I’ve been wandering the streets with my camera, clicking photos when something catches my eye. I sit in the park, snapping shots of nature and the children playing. I have to admit that I have more than a few pics of the sexy blond who seems to have captured a piece of my heart. He’s refilling my coffee and I’m surprised when I hear myself asking him out. He blushes and says he’d like that, but makes it clear that we can only be friends. He suggests that I come with him to a violin recital and see his boyfriend’s performance. I agree, even though I’d rather spend time alone with him.

 

I’m excited and disappointed at the same time. I hate the idea of having to share him with his boyfriend, Ian or something like that. I know Dr. Phelps has told everyone that they’re not supposed to tell me about things from my past. But I can’t help feeling like there’s so much more between Justin and me, besides me frequenting the diner where he works. I’ve asked Michael about Justin, trying to explain that I feel some sort of connection to him. When he looks at me with that bright smile it just does something to my heart, something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. 

 

I don’t understand why Michael gets so defensive when I try to ask him about Justin. He gets upset and tells me to leave it alone, that things are better this way. Michael’s supposed to be my best friend, and he should know if there has ever been something between Justin and me. If I didn’t know better I would say he’s jealous, but that’s absurd because he’s in a committed relationship with his husband Ben. Michael always reminds me that Justin’s engaged but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m right, that we know one another.

 

I’ve been sitting in the diner for the last couple of hours reading the newspaper when Justin sets a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread down in front of me, saying that I need my strength. I ask him what time his shift ends and if I can give him a ride home. He smiles that beautiful smile at me, then tells me no, as I no longer have a car. I feel so foolish not remembering that, so I suggest that he let me walk him home. He hesitates at first but I can see in his eyes that he wants to come with me, that there is something going on between us.

 

~~~~

 

We walk several blocks until we come to a Jeep dealership and we decide to check them out. He’s smiling that smile of his again as I ask him what he thinks of the black one. Once inside we see that it’s fully loaded, complete with leather interior and a state-of-the-art sound system. It seems so right and there is something so familiar about it. We take it for a test drive into the rolling hills, and he plays with the radio, finally settling on a song High School Confidential. He’s singing and swaying in his seat as I start to have flashes in my mind of him pole dancing in front of a crowded dance floor. I can’t stop my heart from skipping a beat.

 

I’m not sure what comes over me but as we stop at the red light I reach over and kiss him gently on the lips. I thought he might protest but he just goes with it, and then the kiss becomes more passionate and heated. Finally he pulls back and says we really shouldn’t, that his fiancé Ethan wouldn’t understand. I smile at him and ask him if there’s a special meaning behind the song. 

He just blushes and says, “Let’s not go there.” I can’t help myself. I ask him if we ever dated in the past.

 

He blushes again and says, “Dated? No, we never dated. But we did know one another before I started seeing Ethan.” 

 

We can’t help but look deep into each other’s eyes and I lean into him again, and kiss him with all my might. He doesn’t resist, returning my kiss just as passionately as I kissed him. The car behind me honks, trying to get my attention before the light changes back to red. 

 

We drive back to the dealership and I decide to buy the Jeep; after what seems like hours of completing paperwork I ask him to dinner to celebrate. At first he refuses, but when I mention going to Ramones he’s all smiles. He accepts my offer, telling me that it’s one of his favorite restaurants and he loves Italian food. 

 

Justin’s POV

 

I can’t stop staring at him, he’s so sweet just the way I always dreamed he might be with me. I know it’s wrong to be here with him, but I just can’t stop myself. Everyone tells me I have to let him go, even though he’s been trying to befriend me for the last couple of weeks. Why shouldn’t we be friends? He’s home from the hospital now, and part of the gang. I see him almost every day, and even though he’ll never be the same as he was before, I also know he probably won’t remember our past. So why can’t we be friends in the future? 

 

If anyone can understand what he’s going through it’s me. I understand feeling frustrated, not knowing the details of what’s happened and sensing that there’s a big black hole in your life. How you’re always wondering what it all means. Hating how everyone walks on eggshells around you, so afraid of mentioning the wrong things. Part of me wants so badly to tell him about our past, to help him understand some of the confusion he’s experiencing. But maybe that’s selfish, because the truth is I do want to be his again. I miss him desperately, and I’ve known from the beginning that leaving him for Ethan was a big mistake. I’ve only stayed with Ethan out of pride, and not wanting to look like a fool, besides the fact that I don’t have any place else to go.

 

Ethan senses that I still have feelings for Brian, but he never brings it up anymore. He’s never felt comfortable being part of the gang, but he also knows that I’m very close with everyone, and that if he makes me choose, I’ll always choose my dysfunctional family every time. He’s playing a concert in Harrisburg tonight so I don’t have to worry about him freaking out about me having dinner with Brian. I know it’s silly but I can’t help feeling like we’re having our first date.

 

Brian is being so nice as he leans over, filling my wine glass with merlot and asking how I like my cannelloni. I tell him it’s fantastic and it is. The whole dinner is romantic, sitting by candlelight, listening to an Italian opera playing in the background. He’s smiling and I ask him what he’s thinking. He tells me that seeing me in the jeep earlier today seemed so natural, then he asks if we’ve ever been in a jeep together before. It’s unfair that Michael can tell him about being in advertising and how he was the stud of Liberty Avenue, how he commanded attention at Babylon, but I can’t tell him that we were friends in the past. 

 

Even though I haven’t said anything, he smiles at me and says, “Yeah, I kind of figured that we might have been friends before. But it was more than friends, wasn’t it?”

 

I smile and say, “Yes, so much more than just friends.” 

 

I can’t help the smile that is spreading across my face. He just looks at me with curiosity asking if we were lovers. I can’t deny it and I tell him that we were together on and off for a couple of years. He gets a huge smile on his face, and thanks me for being honest. That he sensed we once had something going on between us but he just couldn’t place the feelings that seem to be bouncing around in his head and his heart.

 

Then he looks at me with sad eyes, asking me why I’m with Ethan now, and if I love Ethan. I tell him that I thought I was, but truthfully I’ve only been in love once and that I threw it all away for pretty words and romantic gestures. He looks puzzled, not realizing that I’m talking about him. He says that he hopes I find love again if that’s what I’m looking for. I tell him that I hope so, too. 

 

We finish up our dinner and he drives me back to my apartment; I want to ask him up but I know that I shouldn’t. If anything is to develop between us, I don’t want to rush into it and have both of us ending up with broken hearts again. He’s so different than he used to be, so much more like I always dreamed he might be someday, and it scares the hell out of me. I can’t help wondering if he’s going to change back into the old Brian Kinney, that everyone used to love to hate.

 

Brian’s POV

 

I wake from a dream of Justin and I dancing, our bodies moving in sync to the thumpa thumpa around the dance floor. It seems like everyone in the place is staring at us as we sway to the music, holding each other tight. We’re not just dancing, it’s like our bodies are humming to the music and we’re molded to one another as my heart sings. I feel so much passion for him, and I’m glad he told me that we were once an item, but I can’t figure out if that’s all in the past for him. Or if he’s like me and feels like something’s missing that he yearns to be complete.

 

I don’t want to come between him and the fiddler, but on the other hand he just doesn’t seem happy, let alone in love. I have to wonder if he’s still in love with his first love, who’s probably some guy he went to high school with. I think about it and know I don’t have a long lost love from high school and for whatever reason I can’t stop thinking that I was in love with him. But if that’s true, why did I let him go? Was it because he didn’t love me? 

 

I’ve overheard people talking about me, saying that I was a cold-hearted bastard, and that I treated all men like they were nothing but a piece of meat. That I never made it with the same guy twice, and that I’ve slept with everyone in this burg… But how can that be true if he said we dated for a couple of years? Wait, he said we never dated… I don’t understand, this doesn’t make sense… Did I really treat him like a piece of meat, too?

 

It’s in the early morning hours as I stand smoking a cigarette, looking out the big windows. God, this loft is cold and lonely. I hate being here alone and I try to imagine what it would be like if he was here. All I know is that I don’t want to live here anymore. I’m not even sure I want to live in this town anymore, nothing feels right. I need to move on with my life. I can’t go back to a past I don’t even remember.

 

~~~~

 

I find myself sitting in the diner again drinking coffee, reading the New York Times. He looks hot in his cargo pants and cropped t-shirt, and I can’t stop fantasizing about fucking him. He comes over and fills my coffee cup, all smiles this morning. He’s excited as he tells me that Lindsay has asked some art critic friend of hers to the art opening to see his paintings. Then he asks me if I want to come to his studio to see them when his shift is over. His studio is in an even worse building than the one he lives in, but his art is beautiful and so full of energy.

 

I can’t help spinning him around, kissing him passionately and then I hear myself say, “What about your boyfriend?” 

 

I never expected that to spill from my lips. He just looks up at me with sad eyes and says, “It really isn’t working out anymore, but we don’t have the guts to break it off just yet. Sometimes it’s just easier to let things be, than to make big changes if you don’t know where things are going.”

 

I’m not sure what he’s saying. Is he only staying because it’s convenient? Or that he’s not sure how he feels about Ian anymore. I tell him that I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between us in the past, wondering if it was the same way for us at some point. I want to ask if he still has any feelings for me, or if we can only be friends from now on. He looks a little sad and I’m not sure if it’s because of me or his failing relationship with Ian.

 

The next morning I’m reading the want ads, thinking of making some big changes in my life. I’m thinking about selling the loft and moving. I know this sounds crazy but I’m falling in love with him, and I’m afraid to tell him. All I know is that I can’t stay here. I need a fresh start to find myself and I don’t think Pittsburgh is the right place for me any longer. 

 

He asks me if I want to order any breakfast and says that he can take a break and join me if I like. We eat in relative silence until we’re joined by Ted, Emmett and Michael. Michael just glares at me when he sees the two of us together, enjoying our eggs and bacon. The boys are all gossiping about the new bartender at Woody’s, they ask if I want to join them after work tonight. I hesitate at first but then agree to meet them for a drink. 

 

Michael starts in on me about having breakfast with Justin once he’s gone back to work. I ask him why he’s so upset about it. He just gets this scowl on his face saying, “You know he’s living with his boyfriend.” 

 

“It was just breakfast. I didn’t ask him to marry me.”

 

This seems to hit a nerve and now Michael is really upset, acting like a jealous housewife. I can’t figure out what he’s so angry about and it’s almost funny. He’s really serious about me not interfering with Justin’s relationship. I tell him that Justin’s a big boy and can make up his own mind about who he wants to eat breakfast with. 

 

Michael’s adamant I leave him alone, that I’m no good for him. That I already had my chance, and I threw it all away. Now that’s the first time Michael has acknowledged that Justin and I were friends, more than friends. I can tell he didn’t mean to let that slip. He barks, “He’s better off without you in his life.” 

 

The table has grown very quiet as I look around at Ted and Emmett’s faces as they listen to Michael’s whining. I tell Michael he’s now part of the family and that it’s probably best if I make friends with him, so it’s not so uncomfortable for everyone at Deb’s family dinners. Never mind that it’s none of his business who I’m friends with.

 

The more I get reacquainted with Michael, the less I seem to like him these days and it’s hard for me to believe that I’m still best friends with him. He’s so judgmental and condescending and we don’t seem to have anything in common anymore. Once he finally calms down he starts telling me how he has uber passes for the Comic Con this weekend for the two of us. I just look at him and say, “Aren’t we a little old for comics?”

 

It’s then that I remember he now owns a comic book store. He looks like I just dumped him right before the prom. I ask why he isn’t taking his hubby or his kid who both seem like better candidates to join him than me. He says that it’s something that we’ve always done together in the past and he just assumed that I’d want to go with him this year. 

Ted casually reminds him that last year I didn’t show, that the closest I got to being there was picking up some guy just outside of the arena. He says I took the guy back to the loft with me, leaving Michael there all by himself. Pointing this out seems to anger Michael even more and he says, “I guess this just isn’t your thing anymore? I just thought it was something we could both still enjoy together.” 

 

“I’m not twelve, Michael. It’s not something I’m interested in, if I ever was.” 

 

“Fine, don’t go… I just thought we could reminisce about old times.”

 

“Well we could, if I actually had any memories from the past. But I don’t…” 

 

Now Michael is so angry with me that he gets up and leaves before his breakfast is served. I can’t help thinking that Michael is having a PMS moment and really needs to grow up. I mean, what kind of man is still obsessed with comic books in his thirties? I should feel bad but I don’t. I refuse to be manipulated by him any longer, or to do things that don’t interest me.

 

~~~~

 

I can’t believe I’m going with Justin and the girls to see Ian’s performance this evening at the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts. I thought that Justin was kidding when he asked me to go last week. But when he mentioned it I just couldn’t resist. There’s nothing wrong with checking out the competition. Besides, I want to see them together and see for myself if there really is anything still going on between them. Lindsay and Mel are really irritated that I accepted his invitation to the recital. But I play it off as a way to get to know him and be part of the family again. 

 

Deb’s planned a late supper for after the concert tonight. She’s been going out of her way to make sure that I feel included in the family since I’ve been discharged from the hospital. All during the show Justin is distracted and it almost seems like he doesn’t even like violin music. If you ask me it sounds like two cats fighting. The girls, on the other hand, are making a big fuss over Ian’s concert, acting like he’s a musical genius. I can’t bring myself to compliment him, so I just say that the audience seemed to enjoy themselves.

 

Deb serves lasagna and garlic bread along with a cabernet. I have to admit that I’ve had several glasses while watching the two of them together. Ian is clinging to Justin most of the night, and has hardly said a word. Except of course when he is talking about his performance. How his grandfather taught him how to play, and that it is his destiny to become a great violinist. Oh God, someone gag me with a fork. This kid’s ego is so large he can’t even see that we’re laughing at him behind his back.

 

I’ve had enough of his gloating for one evening and slip out back to smoke a joint, and people tell me that I have a huge ego. It isn’t long before Justin comes out and joins me, and we get stoned together. I can’t help laughing at his almost-famous boyfriend, who only seems to be able to talk about himself. Ethan’s never felt comfortable hanging out with the gang, and he’s even more uncomfortable now that I’m here. 

 

We’re stoned and laughing about how strange this evening has turned out. I don’t really want to cause problems between them, but I can’t help asking what it is he sees in him. I ask him again if he’s in love with him. Justin looks lost as he tries to answer my question. He dances all around it but never really answers me. It seems that it’s a relationship of convenience and whatever passion once existed, has now dissipated. Maybe he doesn’t know how to end it, or he feels obligated to stay with him. Ethan tries to do all the things Justin keeps telling him he wants, but it’s still not working and they both know it.

 

I see the greasy-haired fiddler looking out the back windows, watching us and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Part of me is glad he’s jealous, and another part of me is jealous it’s him that Justin will be going home with tonight. I shotgun the joint down Justin’s throat and wish I could bring my lips closer to his, just to feel those beautiful plump lips caressing mine. Instead the two of us just look into each other’s eyes, longing for one another. Yes, I can see it in his eyes, he has feelings for me. I just wish I knew how strong his feelings are, or what it is that keeps him there with the fiddler. 

 

We’ve been out back for too long, so I tell him he should go back in the house, and that I’m going to take off. He looks a little sad like he wants me to stay, but we both know that if I do, tonight won’t end well. I won’t put him in a position of having to choose between us. I figure he’ll come to me when he’s ready, and it’s so obvious that he’s not ready yet. 

 

Justin’s POV

 

Fragments of my memories keep coming back to me in my dreams, Brian’s dancing with me wearing a tuxedo. It’s almost as if I can feel the texture of the fabric of the white silk scarf as it glides around my neck during some fancy dance moves as he’s spinning me around the dance floor. He looks so beautiful and his eyes are so sparkly and warm, reflecting the twinkle lights strung around the ceiling. We look so happy and it’s been so long since I’ve felt that way. 

 

I bolt up straight in bed knowing that I’ve just remembered part of my prom; it seems so real and the love in Brian’s eyes is so strong. I’ve never felt that kind of passion from Ethan. It’s always about how much I love and adore him, never about how he feels about me. When he talks about us, it’s always about the future, when he’s famous and we have a house in the country, how he’s going to treat me so good. It’s never in the present; he never says he loves me or how great our life is together. I guess because we both know it’s not. In the present it’s all about me loving him, proving to him that my love is real. About me showing him how much I respect his great achievements. It’s never about how great I am as an artist, or where my career will go.

 

It’s as though I have to prove to him that my love is real, stroking his ego and always sacrificing my art for his. The truth is I can’t keep praising him constantly. I don’t think listening to the same song hour after hour is romantic anymore, it really gets on my nerves. He’s always bitching about me spending so much time at work or in my studio. He doesn’t seem to value the fact that I need to paint and release my creativity just like he does.

 

I’m working the early shift at the diner today and I’m surprised when Brian doesn’t come in for coffee like he does every morning. I can’t help wondering if something’s happened, so once my shift is over I stop by the loft with his coffee and a turkey sandwich. It’s been so long since I’ve been here and I’m a little frightened about just stopping in to see him. But we’re friends now, so I just shake off the uneasiness that I’m feeling. I knock on the door several times before he answers it. I’m praying he’s alone. 

 

He smiles when he sees me and asks me in, graciously accepting the coffee and sandwich, which we share. I notice there are all kinds of boxes stacked all over the loft so I ask him if he’s going someplace. He frowns slightly and tells me he’s decided to move. The loft doesn’t feel like home to him, but he’s not selling it. He’s decided to rent it out for a while and is just putting most of the boxes in storage until he gets settled in a new place. My mind is spinning as this is the last thing I expected, and I’m starting to panic. What if I never see him again? My breathing starts to become erratic and I feel myself slipping into a full-blown panic attack. He takes me in his arms and holds me, calming me with sweet words of love, words I haven’t heard for so long.

 

I can’t stop myself from begging him not to go. I don’t even realize it but I’m telling him that I love him and I can’t live without him. I’ve been a fool being with Ethan, and I beg him for a second chance. He simply smiles and asks me to come with him. He says he was already planning to ask me to come with him, but he wasn’t sure I would. Tears are running down my face, and I’m so happy. He leans down and wipes them away, telling me he’s happy that this is what I want, too.

 

He drives me over to Ethan’s apartment to gather my things. It never really felt like home, I always felt like a visitor. I’m thankful no one’s here when we arrive, relieved that I don’t have to see Ethan right now. I don’t really want to hurt him. But it’s been over for quite some time now, we just haven’t acknowledged it. I’m packing my duffel bag in the bedroom when we hear him come in, but he isn’t alone. He has some guy pushed up against the back of the door, kissing him, when Brian and I walk out of the bedroom. 

 

He pulls back and says, “Justin, what are you doing here? You said you would be working in your studio this afternoon.” 

 

Then he notices Brian and starts yelling, “What is he doing here? What’s going on?” 

 

I tell him that it’s obvious this isn’t working anymore, and I’ve decided to move out. He just stands there with his mouth open, but the guy he’s with tells him it’s better this way. He hates all the sneaking around, and always having to hide their relationship. I’m shocked, but I really shouldn’t be. Things have been so tense between the two of us for months now. I just wish he could have been honest with me then we could have saved ourselves so much pain and misery. Even though Brian and I haven’t really acted on our feelings, I feel so much better now that it’s all out in the open. 

 

I grab my sketch books and pencils and shove them into my backpack, Brian carries my duffel bag and we leave. He tosses the bags into the backseat of the Jeep and drives off towards the loft. When he stops at the red light he leans over and gently runs his hand through my hair. He pulls me closer so he can kiss me. Brian and I have been known to have brief makeout sessions over the last few weeks, but we have yet to make love. The truth is I’m a little shy about it. Brian’s not the same man he was before, he’s changed. I’m just getting to know this new Brian, this less serious Brian. This playful Brian is fun and exciting, and it gives me hope, the possibilities seem endless.

 

I didn’t want to cheat on Ethan when we were together. Brian never pushed me to go further, even though I could tell he wanted more. He said he didn’t want to be the reason for us to break up, that he knew how painful that was. That’s when I knew he was remembering, and I had really hurt him. I never want to do that again. On the way back to the loft we stop at Woody’s for a drink. Brian looks happy as he tells me he wasn’t sure I’d want to try to work things out with him.

 

It isn’t long before we’re joined by Ted and Emmett; it seems we’re just in time for the tea dance on this lazy Saturday afternoon. Brian and I are just glowing as we look into one another’s eyes, and it’s obvious to the boys that something has changed between us. Yet they’d never believe us if you told them that we still haven’t had sex yet. Ted and Em order a pizza, while Brian and I make out in the darkened booth.

 

Em says, “So spill… When did you two get back together?”

 

Ted looks at us with curious eyes, and finally says, “Okay, okay. Em and I had a bet. He said you two have been an item now for several weeks. But I said that you were just flirting with getting back together.” 

 

“Well, Theodore, for once you’re the winner. Justin and I have just gotten back together today.”

 

“What the hell is this?” Michael shouts as he sees the two of us kissing passionately in the back booth. “You know he’s living with his boyfriend.”

 

“Yes, Michael, but this time I’m the boyfriend.”

 

“What? What about the fiddler? That is just like you to split them up.”

 

“Please, Michael, don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. You know as well as everyone else that we have been falling for each other since I was let out of the hospital. Today seemed like as good a day as any to make it come true.”

 

We finish our beers just as the next song starts playing. Brian takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. I slip my arms around his neck as our bodies start swaying to the beat of the music. We hold each other close, as I places gentle butterfly kisses to his neck and jawline. I’ve never felt so in love with him as I do right this very moment. My head is spinning with so much passion from the unexpected events of the day. I have no idea where we will be living, but as long as I’m with him that’s all that matters.

 

Brian’s POV

 

After a long afternoon of dancing and romancing at Woody’s we make our way back to the loft. Slightly drunk, we kiss and grind into one another against the counter in the kitchen. We’re both excited and more than ready to share our first encounter after what seems like months of verbal foreplay. My lips meet his as we kiss each other tenderly, awakening all our senses. Next I pull his shirt over his head, messing up his golden locks; he looks so adorable it takes my breath away. I run my hand down his perfectly smooth skin and pull him closer. I can feel his chest rising and falling as his breathing increases.

 

I slowly undo the buttons on his pants, letting them fall to the floor around his feet. I lift him up onto the counter, and lay him down on his back. He’s so beautiful, my mind flashes with images of us around the loft. I see him bent over the back of the sofa, him on all fours in our bed, him nestled between my legs, taking my length down his throat. Yes, I knew I wasn’t crazy. I knew we belonged together. I don’t know what happened, or why we fell apart, but I know he’s back. Back home, back here in my arms, and soon in my bed.

 

I pull my t-shirt up over my head, letting it fall to the floor. Then I quickly remove my pants. Soon I’m lying on top of him, my arms resting on each side of his head. His legs naturally circle my waist, and we’re kissing again, licking and nibbling each other’s neck, throat and ears. He’s moaning, whispering my name, telling me how much he’s missed me, missed my touch. He tells me how much he wants me. How he’s never felt as alive as he does when I’m making love to him, and I know it’s the same for me.

 

Our cocks are weeping, as we slide against each other. We’re both filled with need and desire. He’s chanting my name again, telling me how much he needs me. I lift his legs up onto my shoulders, feeling them tremble as I do. I hesitate for a moment, but he instantly knows what I need, “Middle drawer.”

 

I reach over and open it, taking out a condom and a small bottle of lube. I smirk, we’re so in sync with one another. He knows what I’m thinking before I even do. I make quick work of the condom, ripping it open with my teeth and spitting the wrapper on the floor. I slip it on my shaft as he grins at me. His smile is so damn beautiful, it makes me feel good to know I can make him smile like that. I’ve already coated my dick, as I squirt a dollop onto my fingertips and circle his opening.

 

“Hurry, Brian. Faster. I need you. NOW.”

 

Impatient little twat, but I obey his command and push deep inside him. He gasps a little at the intrusion, and then he starts pushing back against me. Soon we’re both lost in the intensity of the moment, both meeting each other’s thrusts as I slam into him faster and faster.

 

“Yes, yes, yes! Oh Goddamn! Yes! Harder! Harder! Harder! Yes! That’s it! Oh God! Brian! Brian! Brian!”

 

It was fast and frantic, but oh so good… It only took him a minute and he was shooting against my chest, crying out my name. His orgasm pulled me right along with him, triggering my own.

 

“Christ, Sunshine, that was fantastic! Totally Unbelievable!”

 

I look down at him and he’s crying. I reach down and wrap my arms around him, unsure what’s wrong. I slowly rock him, gently kissing his sweaty forehead, trying to comfort him. Finally I pull back a little and look him in the eyes, he’s still crying and I’m at a loss.

He sniffles and says, “I love you! I love you so much, and I’ve missed you. I didn’t think I’d ever get this chance again. I’m so sorry for everything. I was such a fool to leave you.”

 

Still holding him close I whisper, “You left me?”

 

He looks down again, looking so sad but the truth is I don’t remember. I have no idea what our backstory is although one thing I know is it can’t be all his fault. I’m sure I’m just as much to blame.

 

“You called me Sunshine.”

 

“I did?”

 

“Yes. It’s been so long since I’ve heard you call me that.”

 

I smile at him. It’s obvious he’s happy to be home but I am concerned about his tears.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“Yes. Yes, I’m more than okay… It’s just a little overwhelming. I’ve missed you, missed us for so long.”

 

“Me too… I think? There so much I really can’t remember.”

 

“We’ll work it out. I’ll help you remember. I love you so much, Brian.”

 

“I love you too, Justin.”

 

Now he’s really smiling. You’d think I’d never told him I loved him before. I stand as he sits up, then I throw him over my shoulder and carry him into the bedroom.

 

~~~~

 

We slept late the next morning and we’re still drinking coffee when I hear the buzzer. I look up questioningly, he smiles and says it’s the intercom for the front door. He shows me where it is near the door. I cringe slightly when I hear Mikey’s voice. It’s too early to have it out with him again today. 

 

Michael’s taking the steps two at a time, he’s in a good mood. He’s decided to surprise Brian with pizza for lunch, even though he knows Brian rarely eats pizza. He didn’t expect to meet anyone on the stairs and he loses his balance, dropping the pizza. The box opens and the pizza lands face down on the stairs. Angrily he scoops up the crust leaving the greasy sauce-covered cheese on the steps, not wanting to get his hands messy. He throws the ruined pizza into the garbage shute and knocks on the loft door.

 

Brian opens it, holding a cup of coffee, wearing only his underwear and bedhead hair. 

 

“Christ, aren’t you up yet? It’s almost one.”

 

Brian says, grinning shyly, “Oh, I’ve been up for a while. I just didn’t realize you’d be stopping by.”

 

Michael looks around the loft at all the boxes, then stops when he sees me. 

 

“What going on here? And what’s he doing here?”

 

“I told you yesterday at Woody’s. I’m living with my boyfriend now.”

 

Michael glares at Justin, not pleased to see him at all. “And all these boxes? Are you going somewhere?”

 

“Just doing a little spring cleaning.”

 

“It’s October.”

 

“Okay, I’m doing a little fall cleaning. I’m putting some boxes into my storage locker in the basement.”

 

Justin offers Michael a cup of coffee, while Brian quickly slips into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Brian reaches over to pick up several boxes off the chair so Michael can sit down. He elects to haul them down to the basement now to get them out of the way. Impatiently waiting for the elevator, he decides to just take the stairs. Not a minute later they hear Brian scream as he slips and falls down the stairs.

 

Both Justin and Michael run to see what happened. They find Brian unconscious at the bottom of the stairs with greasy pizza cheese stuck to his shoe and smeared on his jeans. Justin tries not to panic when he realizes that Brian’s hit his head again. Michael looks guilty as sin because he knows it’s his fault that Brian slipped going down the stairs.

 

TBC…


	3. I Remember You…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian wakes with all his memories intact, but struggles to accept himself as the man everyone loves to hate…

Title: The Big Sleep…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 1751  
Rating: R, Porn…  
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion, Anti-Michael…  
Beta Queen: Bigj52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: After a series of accidents Brian finds himself hospitalized, with memory problems…

Chapter Summary: Brian wakes with all his memories intact, but struggles to accept himself as the man everyone loves to hate…

This is a short fic only three chapters, it’s complete and reviewed by Judy my beta. I’ll be posting one chapter of this fic every day, over the next three day… I hope you enjoy this one even if it is a little angsty… But don’t worry, you know me I’m all about the love…  
So Enjoy Kids and Happy Reading ~ Kathleen

 

**The Big Sleep**

 

Part Three ~ I Remember You…

 

My eyes are red and swollen from crying as we wait to hear word on Brian’s condition. Michael is already demanding that he speak with Dr. Phelps, insisting that I should leave, that my presence will only upset Brian when he wakes up. Besides, he has Brian’s Power of Attorney and he’ll be making all the decisions concerning Brian’s health. After what seems like forever, Dr. Phelps comes out and gives us Brian’s prognosis; he’s sustained injuries to his head and neck. He’s in a coma but they can’t wait to perform surgery, his injuries are too serious. 

 

Dr. Shay will be his surgeon, the same neurosurgeon that performed my surgery. He explains that Brian might have to be in traction, due to his neck injuries but they’re hopeful there won’t be any damage to his spinal cord. He’s also broken several ribs and his left arm. But there’s no internal bleeding, so we’ll just have to wait and see before we know anything else.

 

Deb keeps asking what exactly happened this time, as does everyone else. They keep looking between me and Michael for answers. I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe Brian’s here in the hospital again with another head injury. I’m scared to death. How many times can you crack your head open without sustaining permanent brain damage? Michael shifts back and forth nervously, looking guilty as all hell when finally Ben says, “What is it, Michael? You obviously know something, so spill.”

 

“I don’t! I don’t know anything! This isn’t my fault!”

 

Justin is too shaken up after finding Brian, not even realizing it was pizza sauce on Brian’s clothes and feet, assuming it was blood. Justin’s pacing, so worried about Brian and wishing that everyone else would just leave. He doesn’t have the patience to placate the inquisition he’s receiving. Deb just keeps asking what happened. Soon Ted shows up, announcing he’s contacted building maintenance. He knows that after the loft was broken into, the management company installed security cameras as a safety precaution. Now Michael knows he’s been caught… 

 

He stammers, “It isn’t my fault! How was I supposed to know that he’d slip and fall?”

 

I can’t help screaming at him, “What are you talking about? What did you do?”

 

“I just stopped by with a pizza. I figured we could have lunch together, and he could explain to me how you wormed your way back into his life.”

 

Debbie looks at him, confused. “What happened? You didn’t push him down the stairs, did you?”

 

“Of course not. Someone came down the stairs as I was going up and I dropped the pizza box. It spilled on the stairs, so I picked up the pizza crust and the box and threw them down the garbage chute. I didn’t want to get my hands messy, so I left the cheese and topping where they fell.”

 

“You are such a lazy bastard. And you don’t feel at all responsible?”

 

“How was I to know it would be Brian who would slip and fall?”

 

Ben looks at Michael, disgusted. “It just happened to be Brian, but it could have been anyone! How can you be so senseless, so uncaring for the safety of others?”

 

Ben’s just about had it with Michael, who has been neglectful, if not downright absent from their relationship ever since Brian’s first head injury, and his preoccupation with Brian’s health is taking its toll on him. He leans down and puts a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry about Brian’s injuries. I hope he regains consciousness soon and everything works out. I have to go, but please keep in touch and let me know how he is. You have my cell phone number.”

 

Michael doesn’t even look up, completely oblivious to the fact that Ben’s heading home to pack up his things and move out. Out of Michael’s life.

 

~~~

 

Brian was in surgery all day and most of the night, but Justin refuses to leave the hospital, no matter how rude and condescending Michael is towards him. Him and Brian have finally made amends, and he isn’t about to leave his side, even if he doesn’t remember him when he wakes up. He is in this for the long haul. No matter what it takes, no matter what Brian’s limitations might be, they’ll get through this together. Michael, be damned! 

 

Brian is in recovery now, and it will be a while before they take him to his room, but that doesn’t stop Michael from insisting he see Brian immediately. Ted being Brian’s Financial Adviser, has returned with copies of his current insurance policies. Much to everyone’s surprise, after Brian’s last hospital visit, he and Ted sat down and updated all his legal paperwork. He not only changed his will, but his life insurance policy and Power of Attorney. Michael’s face is growing redder and redder as he listens. Ted informs everyone that Justin is now in charge of Brian’s estate, and it is all spelled out in his legal documents, including his Power of Attorney. Justin is in shock, never expecting Brian would change everything from Michael to him. Although he had an idea that Brian might be in love with him, he just had no idea how in love he was.

 

“Don’t think this is over! Don’t think I won’t challenge you in court! For all you know, he might not even remember you again.”

 

Justin is too exhausted to even fight with Michael, besides Michael could never afford to take him to court. He is practically destitute, especially now that Ben is leaving him. After reviewing all Brian’s legal paperwork Dr. Phelps approaches Justin and asks him to follow him to his office to discuss Brian’s prognosis. He is glad to finally meet the man Brian is obviously in love with, the man Brian thought he was married to after his first head injury. Dr. Phelps takes his time going through all of Brian’s previous hospitalizations, and what he expected Brian to experience this time around. He can’t stress enough that Brian needs time to heal, time away from all the drama of his prying, dysfunctional family. 

 

Justin, of course, understands better than anyone how all the trauma and confusion can make you feel disoriented and fearful. How your mind can trigger panic attacks, and any little thing can set you off, making you feel guarded and unsafe. Dr. Phelps says that although Brian’s neck is severely bruised, he hasn’t sustained any permanent damage. He doesn’t expect that Brian will have any disabilities concerning his ability to walk, or eventually drive a car. While in recovery Brian has regained consciousness, but he’ll remained groggy for several more hours. 

 

Once Brian is settled in his room, Justin sits with him, praying for him, looking for any sign that Brian is going to be alright. Brian’s eyes flutter several times, then he slowly opens them. Seeing his beautiful blond sitting there, holding his hand, makes his heart swell with emotion, as he whispers in a raspy voice, “Sunshine.” 

 

Justin squeezes his hand, grateful that he recognizes him; he can’t help but feel the need to kiss Brian. So he leans down, without putting any pressure on Brian or his bed and gently kisses his forehead, then he kisses his eyelids, his cheeks, and finally his mouth. Brian moans, but not from any pain he’s feeling but from the emotion surging through him. 

 

“Justin, please don’t leave me.”

 

Justin can’t control the tears swelling in his eyes. “Never. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

That seems to relax Brian, who’s still a little groggy from the anesthesia and painkillers in his system. Just having Justin there with him calms him and he drifts to sleep. So Justin returns to the waiting room, but as soon as Deb sees him she jumps up, asking, “Is he awake?” 

 

They all start talking, asking him questions and demanding answers. Yes, he can see the anger building in Michael’s eyes when he tells them that Brian needs his rest and they won’t be able to see him right now, and probably not for a few days. Michael’s sure Justin is closing him out, denying him access to Brian, because that’s exactly what he would do to Justin, has done to Justin in the past. He asks them to be patient and follow the doctor’s orders, which right now is to have limited visitors and not to upset him while he works to regain any memory loss he might have. Most of the gang is very understanding and just so thankful that he’s finally regained consciousness and it looks like he’ll be alright. 

 

Justin goes to the restroom and washes his face, and when he comes back out Michael and Debbie are the only ones left in the waiting room. They’re both sure Dr. Phelps didn’t mean them when he said limited visitors, they naturally assume Brian needs them. When Justin informs them that Brian is resting and that he’ll contact them when he’s ready to have visitors, they just about lynch him. Thankfully Dr. Phelps is there to answer any of their questions as Justin slips back into Brian’s room.

 

Over the next week Brian’s injuries heal. His head wounds don’t seem to have affected his memory this time, and he actually remembers just about everything from before and after his other head injuries. But he’s still convinced that he’s had a glimpse of their future during his first hospitalization. He goes into great detail about the huge mansion they had in West Virginia, and how Justin was a renowned artist having art openings throughout the country and Europe. He still gets excited and a little sad when he talks about their children; he tries to explain that he misses them feels like a part of him is missing.

 

It’s really calming to Justin that Brian is so happy and at ease talking about them being married, and even having a family. He’s so animated and detail-oriented about what he remembers about the future. Although he thinks that it’s just a little crazy remembering your future. But Justin listens patiently as Brian tells him stories of a life they’ve yet to live. The fact that he can actually give him dates and times of future events is a little freaky, but just seeing the joy and excitement on Brian’s face and in his voice lets him know that they’re going to be alright. More than all right…

 

The End


	4. Epilogue ~ Life Goes On…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael worries about seeing Brian, and keeps replaying over and over again in his head the last time he saw him. It’s now been twelve years, and Brian and Justin are coming to Pittsburgh for Molly’s wedding.

Title: The Big Sleep…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 7384  
Rating: R, Porn…  
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion, Anti-Michael…  
Beta Queen: Bigj52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: After a series of accidents Brian finds himself hospitalized, with memory problems…

Chapter Summary: Michael worries about seeing Brian, and keeps replaying over and over again in his head the last time he saw him. It’s now been twelve years, and Brian and Justin are coming to Pittsburgh for Molly’s wedding. 

**Epilogue ~ Life Goes On…**

_A couple of days after Brian is released from the hospital…_

Michael’s pounding on the loft door, demanding to be let in; finally Justin pulls the door back.

“What is it, Michael?”

“I want to see Brian!”

“He’s not here right now.”

“Where is he? Why hasn’t he returned any of my phone calls?”

“I don’t know, Michael, maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you?”

“Or maybe he never got my messages? Maybe you’ve convinced him not to talk to me? Maybe you spread a bunch of lies about me?”

“Really, Michael? I don’t need to convince Brian you’re not his friend, you’ve done a good job of that all by yourself.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Like I said, I don’t answer for Brian. He’s a big boy and he can choose who he wants to be friends with all by himself.”

“I know you’ve prevented me from seeing him while he was recovering in the hospital. You think you’re so high and mighty now you’ve got Brian’s Power of Attorney? Well you can’t come between us, I’m his best friend. Always have been, always will be! You’ll see!”

“Whatever, Michael!”

“I’m busy. I need to get back to…”

Just then the loft door is pulled open and Ted, Emmett and Brian come in, loaded down with boxes. Michael blinks, wondering what’s going on. It’s then that he focuses in on all the boxes stacked up against the back wall, on the kitchen counter, and still more in the bedroom and near the door.

“What’s going on?”

On closer inspection he recognizes some of Emmett’s things from when they lived together. He looks in some of the other boxes, and sees Emmett’s dishes, pots and pans that he uses for his party planning business. But the ones against the back wall and near the door, seem to have Brian’s things packed in them.

“Brian? What’s happening? Is Emmett moving into the loft?”

“Yes. How very observant of you, Mikey.”

“Are you moving?”

“Right again.”

Michael feels like he can’t breathe, nothing is making any sense. He’s not sure if he wants to cry or scream. 

“Brian, maybe you and Michael should have a talk in private.”

“Yes, why don’t you leave, Justin? Brian and I need to talk alone.”

“Michael! Don’t ever talk to Justin like that again! Let’s go to Woody’s and have a drink, we can talk there.”

Michael looks over his shoulder at Justin, Ted and Emmett, wondering just what is going on. Ten minutes later he and Brian are walking into Woody’s. Michael goes to sit at the bar, but Brian gestures for them to have a seat in the back booth for more privacy. 

“This is nice, just like old times. Remember, Brian?”

“Michael…”

“I know you’re sorry you haven’t called me. You’ve been busy. I understand, but now we have time to catch up on everything.”

Brian takes a deep breath, wondering how to start this conversation.

“So why haven’t you returned any of my phone calls? Let me guess. That little stalker never told you I called? Why is he even living with you again? You don’t need him, you’re all better now. So you can finally tell him to take a hike, and now that Ben and I are no longer together we can finally give us a shot.”

“MICHAEL!”

“What? Why are you shouting? What’s the problem?”

“Stop! Slow down, and stop assuming how things are between us.”

“What do you mean, assuming?”

“Michael, Justin gave me all the messages. Christ, you must have called me ten times a day.”

“So why didn’t you call me back then?”

“I didn’t have anything to say to you, and I didn’t want to see you.”

“But why?”

“Because each time after I got out of the hospital I needed you. I really needed my best friend.”

“I know, and I was there for you. I am your best friend.”

“You may have been there, but you weren’t acting like a best friend should.”

“Sure I was.”

“No. Not really. A best friend would have been supportive, and answered my questions. He would have told me the truth.”

“Dr. Phelps said we weren’t supposed to tell you about your past. I was just following your doctor’s orders.”

“You had no problem telling me about Justin cheating, and leaving me for Ethan.”

“Well, you needed to know that. You needed to understand he’s no good for you.”

“Justin is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Can’t you see that I love him?”

“That’s priceless! Brian Kinney doesn’t do love!”

“No, you’re wrong. I do. I’ve loved him for a long time. I was just too frightened to admit it, and then I lost him.”

“Brian Kinney isn’t afraid of anything!”

“Michael! You’ve built up this image in your mind of who you think I am, but that’s not me.”

“Sure it is! You’re Brian Fucking Kinney!”

“You know I may have allowed myself to build up that façade, but it wasn’t real. I was never that person. Justin saw that, he saw right through all my mantras. He saw me for who I really was, flaws and all. And you know what? He loved me just the way I was, not for who he thought I should be.” 

“I don’t understand.”

“I know… That’s the problem. You never understood me, or who I really was. You’ve always seen me as some kind of superhero, but I’m not a hero, Michael. I’m just a man.”

Michael’s confused; he doesn’t understand why Brian feels like he has to change. He doesn’t understand that Brian never was who he thought he was. And most of all he doesn’t understand why he wants Justin and not him. After all he’s finally ready to love someone and it’s supposed to be him.

“Michael, what I wanted to tell you is that I’m moving. Justin and I are moving away from Pittsburgh.”

Now Michael really can’t breathe. He feels light-headed, his throat has a lump in it, and tears are starting to roll down his face.

“What about me? Brian, I’m your best friend.”

“You’re going to be alright. You’re going to move on and live your life. Like you should have done right from the beginning.”

“No. No, you are my life.”

“No, I’m not, Michael. I never was. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear from the beginning. We both know that it never would have worked. We’re all wrong for each other.”

“No! I love you, and I know you love me. Always have, always will. Remember?”

“No, Michael, not like that… I’m not in love with you, never was, never will be.”

“This is total bullshit!”

“Calm down. Now you have to let go of this foolish childhood fantasy.”

“It’s not foolish, and it’s not a fantasy.”

“Michael. It’s not going to happen. It’s time to face reality. It’s time to grow up and be the man you’re meant to be.”

“I can’t! If you leave, I’ll have nothing!”

“Stop being a drama queen!”

“Brian! Don’t go! I won’t make it without you!”

“Michael!”

“I’ll kill myself! I will. I’ll kill myself if you leave me.”

“I’m not leaving you! I’m just leaving!”

“It’s because of him, isn’t it? He’s making you choose between us, isn’t he?”

“Michael! Pull it together! Justin isn’t asking me to choose between the two of you. Besides there’s no choice, I’m with Justin. Period.”

Michael softly whispers. “Brian…”

“Listen. You’re going to be okay. Call Ben, I bet he’ll try and work things out.”

“I don’t want Ben. I never wanted Ben the way I want you.”

“Stop! Just stop! It’s not going to happen!”

“But I always thought we’d be together in the end.”

“We need to move this conversation along or end it.”

“No! No, don’t go yet.”

“Okay, fine.”

“So where are you going? When will I see you again?”

“Justin’s applied to art schools in Manhattan, San Francisco, and Los Angeles, starting the winter term. We’ll be traveling for a month or so, and then when he gets accepted we’ll move there and start looking for a house.”

“But you’ll be back for Christmas?”

“I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Justin won’t be coming home to spend Christmas with Molly and Jennifer?”

“I’m pretty sure they’ll be visiting us for the holidays. That way they can help us organize the new house and picking out new furniture. We’ll have a lot to do before school starts in January, and it’s already early November.”

“But… You’ll have to come back and get your stuff at some point.”

“Actually Ted and Emmett are going to ship our things, once were settled. The rest is being donated, or sold. Emmett is buying the loft along with the furniture.” 

“Emmett’s buying the loft?”

“He’s really clever, and a great cook. I’ve looked at his business proposal and I’ve decided to help him with his startup funds. To help get him on his feet, just like I did for you.”

“So you’re just giving the loft to Emmett?”

“No. I just told you he’s buying it from me, on a rent-to-own basis.”

“What if I want the loft?”

“You can’t afford the loft.”

“And Emmett can?”

“I told you he’s very talented, and he has a solid business plan. I think he’s going to do really well starting his own business.”

“But what about me?”

“What do you want, Michael?”

“I want you to stay. I want you to give us a chance.”

“Okay, we’re talking in circles now.”

Brian motions for him to drink up.

“No, wait! Don’t go yet.”

“I have to get back and finish helping Emmett move his things, and help Justin with the packing.”

“What about Ma? Does she know you’re leaving us?”

Brian looks irritated. “I’m not leaving you. Justin and I are moving out of state.”

“She’s not going to take this well.”

“She already knows.”

“She knows, and she didn’t tell me?”

“We thought it was best if I told you.”

“So… So when are you leaving?”

“Bright and early Monday morning. Jennifer’s having a going-away dinner at her house on Sunday night. I hope you’ll come with Deb and Carl.”

“That’s tomorrow night! Tonight will be our last night together! So we’ll have to go to Babylon one last time. Really do it right. You’ll have your pick of all the beautiful men one last time before you leave. Just like old times.”

Brian shakes his head as he stands up, wondering when Michael will see that he’s not that person anymore. He’s committed to Justin and their relationship, no longer interested in other men. 

“Actually, Justin and I went dancing at Babylon last night. We’ve already said our good byes.”

‘But… But we didn’t get to have one last drink together.”

“Michael, we just did.”

“That was it? That’s all I get?”

“Michael, I’m not going to do this. Don’t you get it? I’m really angry with you right now. I’m mad at you for the way you manipulated me. You lied to me about Justin. I just don’t trust you or feel close to you anymore.”

“But I’m your best friend…”

~~~

Twelve years later…

“Michael, I need you to clean your room, and help clean up around the house and yard.”

“Ma! I’m busy.”

“You’re playing video games and reading comics.”

“This is my day off. Can’t I just relax without having to work around the house?”

“Michael Charles Novotny! I don’t ask much of you. I let you live here rent free, I cook all your meals and do your laundry. The least you can do is help out when I ask you to.”

“What’s the big occasion? Are you hosting this month’s PFLAG meeting?”

“No. Molly’s wedding is this weekend, and we might have guests from out of town stopping by.”

“Who the fuck is Molly?”

“Molly is Jennifer’s daughter. If you were actually nice to her, not rude and condescending, you’d know that.” 

“Oh, Justin’s bratty sister.”

“Michael! She’s twenty-four years old. She’s sweet and charming, and she’s getting married on Saturday.”

“Like I care. Besides, why would any of her friends be stopping by here?”

Debbie hesitates to actually tell Michael, but realizes that she just has to get it over with. “Brian and Justin are flying in for the wedding.”

“Brian’s going to be in town and this is the first I’m hearing about it? Why didn’t you tell me? I have tickets for the Comic Con, but I guess I could miss it this year.”

“There’s no need for you to change your plans.”

“Of course I’ll change my plans. Brian and I have so much to catch up on.”

“Michael! I doubt that he’ll have much free time. He and Justin will have to attend all the events to celebrate Molly’s wedding.”

“Why wasn’t I invited to the wedding?”

“Do you even know Molly? Why would she invite you? Besides, the way you talk about Jennifer and Justin, it’s obvious that you don’t like them or have any interest in their lives.” 

“But Brian could have invited me. I’m his best friend.”

“This isn’t Brian’s and Justin’s wedding. He’s part of the family, but it’s Molly’s wedding.”

“I’m sure Brian still wants to see me. You said it was Saturday. How long could the wedding be? Three, maybe four hours? We’ll have lots of time together. God, I’m so excited!”

“Michael, they’re here for more than just the wedding. There’s the welcome home dinner, and the rehearsal dinner. Then there’s the day of the wedding, making sure everything runs smoothly. After that is the wedding itself, and the newlyweds’ breakfast the next morning, before they leave for their honeymoon.”

“Doesn’t she have a wedding planner? Besides, I’m sure Brian has no intention of being involved in so much family time.”

“Yes, Emmett is their wedding planner, and he’s organized all these events for the weekend. Besides, Brian’s changed. He’s grown up in the last decade since you’ve seen him.”

“That I’ve got to see. I’m sure he’s still the same hot stud he’s always been.”

“Michael. He’s forty-four years old these days. He has his own advertising firm, and a family. He’s very committed to his relationship with Sunshine, and he’s happy for once in his life.” 

“He has kids?”

“Yes, Michael. He’s not some over-aged club kid anymore, and he doesn’t prowl the backrooms looking for blowjobs and a quickie. Like I said, he’s grown up and has a family.”

“Are you implying that I’m _‘some over-aged club kid?’“_

“I’m just saying that your lives have very little in common anymore. Maybe you should grow up and take some responsibility for your life, instead of sleeping till noon on your days off, reading comic books and playing video games.”

“I can’t believe Brian’s a father.”

“Brian’s been a father for fifteen years. Remember Gus?”

“But he’s Mel and Lindsay’s kid. Besides, they moved to Canada shortly after Brian left town.”

“Yes, but he’s been very much involved in Gus’s life as he’s grown up.”

Michael’s annoyed, frustrated, and angry about everything he’s been told about Brian and Justin’s life. He’s having a hard time accepting that Brian has grown up and changed. He still thinks of him as he was before his first accident, experiencing memory loss. It’s a case of out of sight, out of mind.

After he left Debbie’s house he called Ted to get the scoop, he’s been out of the loop since Brian and Justin left town, in denial for years. Everyone walks on eggshells around Michael when it comes to them, knowing that he still carries a torch for Brian. He basically lives in a bubble, not willing to accept Brian and Justin’s relationship. He’s sheltered himself away from everyone, over time withdrawing from most of his friends, seeming to mostly live in his head with his fantasies.

Brian started his own ad agency in San Francisco called Kinnetik, and after Justin graduated from The Academy of the Arts, has had a very successful career as an artist. Ted and Emmett visit them almost every year, but Michael rarely asks about them. It’s still too painful for him, and no one wants to pour salt in his wound. Everyone assumed that he’d resolve his reality and let go of his dream. But he’s still bitter and has yet to really date anyone since Ben, let alone fall in love. Once Ben and Brian were no longer in Michael’s life he became depressed, often not opening the comic book store until late afternoon. Within the first year he had to declare bankruptcy. He moved back in to his old room at Deb’s and she got him a job at the diner. After waiting tables for a few years he was promoted to line cook, which is steady work but he doesn’t really make much money. 

Ted and Emmett are a different story; they’ve always been good friends and are very close. So after several failed relationships they decided to try dating, and soon fell in love. Years later they married on the very first day it became legal in Pennsylvania. It’s kind of funny that the very popular party planner ends up eloping, and foregoing a fancy wedding for himself. After a year or so of running his website, Ted sold it and made a killing, and opened up his own accounting firm. He ended up luring away most of Wertshafter’s clients, becoming one of Pittsburgh’s most influential financial planners. 

Deb and Carl were married a few years after Brian and Justin moved to California. But they couldn’t get away to attend the wedding, although Brian insisted on paying for it. Their twin daughters, Caitlyn and Joslyn were born on the same day Debbie and Carl tied the knot. Brian and Justin always kept in touch, letting Deb know how they and the kids were doing. Brian insists on flying them out once a year for a few weeks’ vacation. Deb and Jennifer are still very close, and both are still involved with PFLAG as well as organizing marches and speaking on behalf of same-sex marriage, and the right to adopt. 

It’s been quite a year for Brian and Justin, especially after the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage the law of the land. They renewed their vows, having gotten married those few days a couple years ago before the State of California’s law was challenged. It made them one of those couples who were legally married, but caught up in the loophole of the law. They elected not to tell anyone at the time, knowing how upset they’d be at not being invited. Then the girls wanted them to get married again, because the first time they did it on their lunch hour all by themselves. So it was just a handful of friends, the girls and them on the ocean’s edge at the Golden Gate Park at sunset. They promised themselves that they’d do it again on the first anniversary of their second marriage, inviting everyone, hoping they’d be none the wiser.

Emmett has been helping plan Molly’s wedding for the last eighteen months. Deb and Jennifer have decided to wait until after Molly’s wedding before they start pushing Brian and Justin to tie the knot. Earlier this year Melanie and Lindsay put their house up for sale in Toronto, and have applied for jobs in Pennsylvania as well as California. They’re ready to move back to the States, because they can renew their vows and still have their original wedding in Canada recognized in the States.

Lindsay is pushing to move to California, as she’d like to live near Brian and Justin to allow Gus to spend more time with his father as a teenager. Not that he hasn’t seen Brian and Justin often, having spent every summer living with them, since they moved to California. It’s also become tradition for them to spend all the major holidays in San Francisco every year. Even though Lindsay always wanted another child with Brian, she’s resolved herself to being Aunt Lindz to their daughters, and Gus loves being a big brother. 

Brian worked very hard to make Kinnetik prosperous, and it has grown into a large international ad agency. He’s actually semi-retired, only going into the office from nine until two, but still works from home and travels frequently. He loves being home, helping raise the kids, and his schedule allows him to drop them off and pick up the girls from school. Both he and Justin love being parents, they’re very involved with the girl’s activities and tend to spoil them just a little. Okay, who are we kidding? Brian loves spoiling them a lot, but he can afford it. 

Justin is very popular in the local art scene, and his paintings are shown in several galleries in San Francisco on a permanent basis. He also has several special events and art shows throughout California and the country during the year. He usually does one international art show per year during the summer. He always insists that Brian and the girls travel with him when he’s away for more than a few days at a time. His family is very important to him, and they always come first. 

They were very lucky when they met Virginia, who lives just a few houses down from them. She is also a local artist and over the first few years they all became great friends. She was thrilled when Brian and Justin approached her about being a surrogate for them. It worked out so well for everyone involved that their little clan isn’t so little anymore. She and Justin make very beautiful children, and as much as Justin loves his girls, it’s Brian who is completely devoted to their children. They’re true fashionistas in training…

Yep, it’s a full house at the Taylor-Kinney residence, and they’re all Daddy’s little girls… 

“Brian, are the girls ready? The car service is going to be here any minute to take us to the airport.”

“Don’t you think our sweet little angel looks just like Jennifer Lawrence?”

“What? Jennifer Lawrence? Brian, what is she wearing?”

“I think it’s one of those Tae Kwan Do outfits.”

“You think? Brian, she’s fourteen months old, she didn’t just pick this up on her way home from the mall.”

“The mall? Lord forbid!”

“Brian!”

“Okay, it is a Tae Kwan Do outfit.”

“Is she also enrolled in Tae Kwan Do classes?”

“No, of course not. She’s too young”

“But she has the outfit?”

“Apparently?”

“Because you bought it for her?”

“Well, yes… But I bought all the girls Tae Kwan Do outfits.”

“Because you’re planning on raising a clan of blonde Ninja warriors?”

“Self-defense is a very important skill.”

“You have way too much money and way too much time on your hands.”

“I was thinking they needed a new activity.”

“Right, because Spanish, ballet, and piano lessons aren’t enough? Oh and let’s not forget soccer.”

“You know, I think you’re right. We better hurry, the limo’s going to be here soon.”

“Jennifer Lawrence? You really think so?”

“She’s adorable…”

“Is Jennifer planning on wearing that on the plane, or are you changing her outfit?”

Okay, I’ll change Angela’s outfit. But just so you know, she picked this out.”

“I have no doubt about that.”

“She’s showing her independence, that’s a good thing.”

“Make sure she’s wearing something comfortable. It’s going to be a long flight, and even longer with five girls to wrangle.”

“My daughters are all sweet little angels.”

“You mean _our_ daughters.”

“Of course I do.”

“I’ll remember that when they hit puberty.”

Brian’s face turned to horror just thinking about them actually growing up.

 

Justin’s POV

We’re in first class, of course, Brian would never fly in coach. The flight attendants can’t stop gushing over the girls, and Brian, but that’s to be expected. The flight was actually calm, the twins played with their Barbies, talking quietly between themselves in what has become their own private language only they understand. Roxanne sat with Brian and read him several of her favorite books before falling asleep. Elizabeth snuggled right down with her panda bear and slept most of the flight. Angela and I made kissy faces, babbled to one another in baby talk and ate an entire box of graham crackers. We’re now both covered in crumbs and a little moist from baby drool, because that’s what babies do. 

The car service pulls up in front of Mom’s house and she runs out the minute we come to a stop. She loves being a grandmother, and she and Tucker visit us three or four times a year, so the girls know her pretty well.

“Oh My God, there’s my little angels! I’ve missed you all so much!”

“Mom, you were just out for a visit six weeks ago.”

“Six weeks is a long time. Look how much Angela has grown.”

Once inside we see that everyone’s here, as if we weren’t going to see them every day were visiting. But this way we have lots of help with the kids. Deb comes over and smothers the girls with hugs and kisses, and Carl can’t help mentioning how beautiful and grown up they are. They bask in the attention until Brian shoos them out the back door to play on the swing set, but mostly so mom’s house doesn’t look like a tornado struck it. 

While Joslyn, Caitlyn and Roxy fill with excitement, talking a mile a minute, running around crazy, Elizabeth and Angela become shy, insisting on being held by Brian and me. It will take them a little while to feel comfortable around so many strangers. Of course they’re not strangers, but the girls are young and don’t remember Deb and Carl as well as they do Mom and Tucker. 

Soon Molly and Brad join us for dinner as we kick off the long weekend of celebration. Afterwards they went out for one last night on the town. Brad, with his fraternity brothers and friends. Molly, with all her bridesmaids, college friends and a few girls from St. James. We stayed for a while, chatting and going over the schedule of events for the weekend. Soon the girls were getting sleepy so we headed back to our hotel to get settled in. They were out as soon as their heads hit the pillows, so Brian closed their bedroom doors and grabbed both baby monitors so we could keep an ear on them.

It’s been a long day, and Brian always knows just what I need. He comes up behind me as I stand in front of the picture windows of the penthouse. Looking out over the city, I can’t help remembering how I chased Brian as a love-sick teenager, but I finally got my man. 

“It’s been so long since we’ve been back. I didn’t think it would bring back so many memories.”

“I remember how the light from the streetlamp reflected off your beautiful blond locks, stirring up something deep inside of me.”

“As I recall it stirred up something in the nether region as you whisked me away to your lair.”

“My beautifully naive young boy, so innocent and longing for love.”

I grin as I rest my head back into his shoulder, he leans down and tenderly kisses my lips. 

“I loved that I was your first.”

“I loved that you were my first too. I couldn’t have had a better teacher.”

“You captured my heart that very first night together.”

“Yet you pushed me away like I was on fire.”

“You were on fire. God, I was so jealous of anyone who came near you.”

“Yet, you insisted on keeping me at arm’s length, reeling me back in when it suited your fancy.”

“I may have been a bit possessive. I didn’t understand my feelings at the time.”

“I’m so glad you figured them out.”

“Me too. I’d be lost without you.”

Brian slowly starts unbuttoning Justin’s shirt, and then moves to his zipper. Once his clothes are in a pile on the floor, he carries him to the bed and lays him down, running kisses all over his body.

“You’re still so beautiful. God, I love you.”

They hear a few cries, and then Angela settles down again.

“Hurry up and make this fast before someone needs water, or has a bad dream.”

“Yes, dear…”

~~~

Brian strips in record time and flips Justin onto his stomach in one fell swoop. He pulls him up onto his knees, nudging them apart. Justin rests his head and shoulders on the bed, giving Brian full access. Brian’s hard-on rages as he sees Justin balls hanging between his legs, he’s never seen anything more beautiful. He pulls his cheeks apart and licks in circles, until his tongue is breaching his rosebud. Pushing deeper, he penetrates his tight muscle, opening him up as he hears Justin moan his name.

Several more circles, then he replaces his tongue with a generously lubed finger. He licks and kisses his way up Justin’s spine until he reaches his neck, nibbling him gently. Once aligned he thrusts deeply into his blond, filling him completely. Justin moans as Brian sets a rhythm that soon pulls them both close to the edge. He reaches around and grasps Justin’s cock in his hand, gliding back and forth until he feels Justin’s orgasm trigger deep within him, his muscles squeezing him tightly. They both cum together, loving the intense sensations quaking through them, sending them off in to a deep night’s sleep. 

They wake the next morning to the girls bouncing on the bed, begging to go swimming in the pool. Brian takes them all down except Angela, then they meet up in the hotel restaurant for breakfast an hour later. Justin talks with Emmett and makes arrangements for the girls to come over and try on their dresses for the wedding. Over the last twelve years _Fabulous_ has flourished, and expanded so Em and Ted ended up purchasing the loft building on Tremont and Fuller. 

They took over the top two floors as their living quarters, and the bottom two floors houses _Fabulous._ Now divided into three sections, the second floor is Fabulous Feasts that handles all the catering needs, and the first floor is open to the public, featuring Fabulous Flowers that handles all the decorations and flowers for events. And finally Fabulous Fashions, that specializes in evening wear. Everything from ball gowns, bridal and bridesmaids’ gowns and designer dresses to a comprehensive line of men’s suits and tuxes. There’s also several tailors on site for alterations and custom-made fashions. 

Jennifer and Debbie had their dresses designed by Oscar, as well as Molly’s wedding gown, and the bridesmaids’ dresses. There are seven bridesmaids, including Caitlyn and Joslyn, Roxanne is the flower girl. Molly had wanted Elizabeth to be the flower girl but Justin didn’t think she was old enough. Being only three he felt she would be easily distracted and may divert the wedding guest’s attention from the ceremony. But she and Angela are still wearing complimentary outfits to match the other girls. 

 

Justin’s POV

Brian has this weird obsession with dressing them alike. I’ve tried to tell him that it’s just a matter of time before they start rebelling, after all Joslyn and Caitlyn are almost nine. They’re headed right into double digits next year, and soon after that they’ll be teenagers. Of course this totally freaks him out, making him panic a little. I’m not sure if it’s the idea that they may or may not be gay. He still has an aversion to the idea of lesbian sex, but the idea that they’ll like cock isn’t much better. If he had his way they’d never grow up, they’d stay the same age as they are now. But then again, so would he.

After talking it over last night we decided that it was best if we stopped in to say hi to Michael at the diner. This way Michael would only be able to take a break, or possibly his lunch hour. Either way it would limit the amount of time, and being in a public place he is less likely to cause a scene. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that he’s moved on with his life, and let go of some of his anger towards us. Who knows? Maybe he’ll even be happy, and it won’t be too awkward for everyone. 

Brian has called him a few times since we’ve moved to California, but those conversations didn’t go very well. Michael was obviously still carrying a torch for Brian, and he was a bit delusional about everything. So Brian stopped calling, or returning his calls and their friendship eventually faded away. Even though we’ve stayed in touch with Deb, Carl, Ted and Emmett, they rarely mention Michael, and we don’t ask as it just makes everyone uncomfortable. Brian feels bad about how things have worked out between them but it was an unhealthy relationship and some childhood friendships weren’t meant to last a lifetime.

Once Roxanne, Elizabeth and Angela try on their dresses, and Oscar checks the fit, Brian decides to take them to the park. We make plans to meet up for lunch together at the diner once we’re through here. Caitlyn and Joslyn love being part of the wedding party, fussing over the details. They try on the hats Molly picked out for them, but they really don’t work; they look ridiculous. So Emmett is working with Oscar and the floral department to make a crown of daises and baby’s breath, to circle their heads.

Brian calls to let me know the girls are getting hungry, so Caitlyn, Joslyn and I meet them at the park and we all head out to the diner. Deb’s working today so as soon as they walk through the door, Debbie has us engulfed in one of her bone-crushing hugs. Michael hears all the commotion, sticking his head out from the kitchen. He’s shocked to see Brian and quickly asks if he can take his break now. He comes over and grabs Brian, hugging him much like Debbie just did; the girls just stare at him, wondering who he is. Michael looks around and sees me, and I can see the disdain for me in his eyes. Debbie’s right there with a highchair to put at the end of the booth. Michael looks confused then focuses on the girls. 

“Michael, these are our daughters, Joslyn, Caitlyn, Roxanne, Elizabeth and Angela.”

“Wow? I can’t believe you have so many kids. How did Justin manipulate you into that?”

Brian frowns, trying to control his anger. “Justin didn’t manipulate me into anything, Michael. I love my daughters.”

“Yeah. Right.”

“Michael!”

“Brian, I know you, remember? You’re not meant to be a family man, or even married.”

“Michael, I told you last time I saw you that I’ve changed and since then I’ve changed even more. I love being a father and a husband. I can’t imagine my life without them in it.”

Michael looks at him in disbelief, but he sees the look in Brian’s eyes and knows not to continue with this line of conversation. Debbie overheard him and she smacks him across the back of his head, telling him to behave and grow up. I motion for Brian to take the first booth for him and Michael, while the girls and I take the next one. Michael grins, seeing that he has Brian all to himself, momentarily, anyways.

“How convenient to have a built-in babysitter.”

“Michael! Justin’s my partner and husband.” 

“Right, of course.”

Brian’s sure this was a mistake, and he wonders if they should just get up and leave, but Debbie’s making a fuss over the girls. Elizabeth comes over and sits next to Brian. “Daddy, I’m starving.”

Brian looks at the diner menu, having forgotten just how bad the food here is. “Okay, how about breakfast for lunch?”

“Yes! I want waffles!” Now Roxanne is also sitting with Brian and both she and Elizabeth are all smiles chanting, “Waffles, waffles, waffles.”

Brian orders his usual turkey sandwich with oatmeal for Angela, while the twins and I read through the menu.

Angela reaches out, touching my arm. “Fies, Daddy.”

“No, Angel, we’ve ordered you oatmeal. It’s your favorite.”

She looks at me with her most serious expression. “Fies!”

“Yes, Daddy J, please can we have French fries too? Please, Daddy, please???”

Realizing this isn’t a fight I’m going to win, I give in and order a large plate of fries for the table.

“Wow! These little brats sure know how to get their way, don’t they?”

Brian glares at Michael. “Don’t. Just don’t start, Michael.”

“What? I didn’t say anything.”

Brian wonders who’s more immature, the girls or Michael. Things are already off to a bad start and they’ve only just ordered. He really wishes he had come here on his own.

“Daddy J?”

“Yes, Roxy?”

“You said you we’re going check Angela’s diaper.”

Deb comes by and scoops Angela up, saying she’ll change her in the employee lounge, she’s not sure how clean the restroom is. Brian thanks her, knowing the bathroom is probably a cesspool. Michael’s sitting in his seat snickering, finally he bursts out laughing when he looks at Brian.

_“Diaper, Huggies.”_

“What? What are you laughing about?”

“I was just remembering that guy you fucked who wore a diaper.” More laughing…

“Michael!”

“Daddy, he said a bad word.”

Angela, “Fuck!”

Justin’s not happy and Brian angrily snaps. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Not in front of my kids!”

Elizabeth eyes are really big. “Daddy, you and Angela both said a bad word.”

Roxanne says, “Daddy? What did he mean? Men don’t wear diapers.”

“Jesus Christ, Michael!”

“I didn’t do anything! I mean. I didn’t mean to.”

“You’re a fucking asshole!”

“Daddy!”

“I know…”

Debbie returns looking at Brian she can tell he’s stressed. She just knows this has something to do with Michael, because he’s looking guilty as sin.

Justin and the twins end up ordering cheeseburgers and cokes.

“So, Daddy? Does this mean we get ice cream and hot fudge?”

“We have to Daddy, it’s the law!”

Debbie looks at Brian and Justin questioningly? “Law?”

Caitlyn says, “She means rule.”

“Rule?”

Joslyn tells her, “Yeah. When daddy says a bad word we get ice cream, if he’s says a bunch of bad words we get hot fudge sundaes.”

Debbie. “I see…”

Joslyn replies, “Yeah, Daddy says a lot of bad words.”

Debbie says, “What happened to the idea of a swear jar?”

“It was getting too full, so we went out for ice cream.”

Justin’s not happy because he told Brian that he didn’t want the girls eating lots of chocolate or sweets today. He thought they might get sick before the wedding tomorrow.

“Justin, please, just give me a break? We’re on vacation.”

Elizabeth says, “Yeah, Daddy J, we’re vacating.” 

“Okay, but just a little bit.”

“Deb, can we get those waffles with a little ice cream and hot fudge?”

Elizabeth emphasizes, “I just want hot fudge.”

Roxanne adds, “I want ice cream on mine and lots of hot fudge.”

“No. Elizabeth, you get bananas with a small amount of hot fudge on your waffles. Roxanne, you get a small scoop of ice cream and a small amount of hot fudge on your waffles.”

Angela just squeaks. “Yes, I haven’t forgotten about you. She’ll have a couple of banana slices with whipped cream, no hot fudge.”

In unison both Roxanne and Elizabeth ask for whipped cream too. Justin nods okay as he feels Angela’s sticky hand touch his.

“Cher…”

“Oh yes, she needs a cherry on top.”

“Me too, me too.”

Justin looks at Caitlyn and Joslyn telling them they can split a hot fudge sundae, but only after they’d eaten their lunch.

Michael’s break is over and he has to go back to work, irritated that he didn’t get to really spend any time with Brian. But maybe that’s a good thing because he’s never seen Brian so angry with him before. He realizes he was acting like a total ass, but he just couldn’t help himself. He wasn’t thinking, and then he started feeling like Brian wasn’t paying any attention to him and resented it.

The rest of the weekend went by in a blur; Emmett did a wonderful job as the wedding planner. Everything was perfect. Molly looked beautiful and the dinner was fabulous and everyone had a wonderful time. It was great for Brian and Justin to be back in town and spend some time with old friends and family. The girls were pampered by both their grandmothers and it was hard to say good-bye to everyone. It was an exhausting trip, but it was also good to be home, and sleep in their bed.

“Next time we go away, I want it to be just the two of us. Someplace romantic even if it’s only overnight.”

“Yes, dear…”

~~~

Michael finds himself sitting in the back of Woody’s drinking, as Brian’s words keep echoing through his mind. It was twelve years ago, but it seems like yesterday to Michael…

_“Justin is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”_

_“But I always thought we’d be together in the end.”_

_”You never understood me, or who I really was.”_

_“Justin saw right through all my mantras. He saw me for who I really was, flaws and all. And you know what? He loves me just the way I am, not for who he thinks I should be.”_

_“But what about me, Brian? I’m your best friend.”_

_“You have to let go of your foolish childhood fantasies.”_

_“I won’t make it without you. I love you.”_

_“You’re going to be alright. You’re going to move on and live your life. Like you should have done right from the beginning.”_

_“When will I see you again?”_

 

Then there’s his mother’s voice, he was so happy when he heard that Brian was coming into town. Then it all changed…

_“But Brian could have invited me. I’m his best friend.”_

_“I’m just saying that your lives have very little in common anymore.”_

_“But I’m his best friend.”_

_“He’s very committed to his relationship with Sunshine, and he’s happy for once in his life.”_

_“Michael! He’s not some over-aged club kid anymore, and he doesn’t prowl the backrooms, looking for blowjobs and a quickie.”_

_“But I’m his best friend.”_

 

Over the last decade he’s wondered if Brian and Justin were really still in love, or if they’d lost that spark. But it was so obvious seeing them together, they’re even more in love today than they were twelve years ago. Michael’s drinking heavily, but his pain just keeps getting worse. It’s like he stopped living when Brian left town, and he was just waiting for Brian to return and realize he made a mistake. He’s been waiting for Brian to come and beg him to forgive him, telling him how much he’s loved him all along.

Now he’s feeling his age, and looking at his life or lack thereof. He’s middle aged, living in his childhood bedroom, still obsessed with comics and the new boy in school. That was thirty years ago, and he’s never grown up and now looking back over his life he realizes how pathetic he is. Tears run down his face as he tries to figure out what to do. The saddest part is he still has no idea what he wants to do, or who he wants to be when he grows up.

It is obvious that he really screwed things up when he saw Brian at the diner. He can’t help wondering if they’ll even see each other again, but he knows it’s unlikely. Brian’s moved on with his life, and just like his mother said, they really don’t have anything in common anymore.

Now it seems Michael is the one with memory problems. But his problem is he’ll never be able to forget…

The End…


End file.
